


Prolong the Inevitable

by AfterTheTempest (orphan_account)



Series: One Big, Broken Family [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: AU, All the relationships besides Tuckington are in the past/implied, Body Dysphoria, Body Image, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dubcon Kissing, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multi, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Relationships, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Vomiting, also caboose is good at platonic snuggling, ftm tucker, theres a lot of tucker trying to make wash's life better, wash has been through some rough things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-10 03:15:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2008839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/AfterTheTempest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was simple really, Lavernius had loved David. David was a traveler. He was gone quick and it hurt. But when they met again Lavernius wished they hadn't because he never wanted to see someone he loved like that. So broken. So tired.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: There is a lot of triggering material in here. Some of this is written from experience, some isn't. I don't think that drug abuse/suicide/etc. is something you should do, this is merely a work of fiction. Please proceed with caution.
> 
> This is like a prequel to "The Blues, the Reds, and Those Damn Hospital Beds" my Churboose fic!

David didn't mean to come back at all. But his head was spinning as he stumbled up the stairs and a number chanted itself in his head that caused a dull pain behind his eyes. Eyes that he could barely keep open. As he reached the correct floor he pushed to door open and started down the hall, the sleeves of his dull, stained sweatshirt were pushed up and his arm brushed against the cool wall a few times. His stomach was tumbling and he internally willed it to wait one fucking minute.

He reached the correct apartment, raising a dirty hand to knock loudly. Too loudly. The noise hurt his ears and the force hurt his hand. And when the door opened to a groggy man with angry eyes and sleep pants a size too big he swore everything hurt and his chest tightened and he stumbled forward, throwing his arms around bony shoulders. His breathing was ragged and the man curled his lip slightly at the stench of beer. And words were spilling out of David's mouth before he could stop them and they became a chant that his head simply couldn't handle with the blossoming headache.

"I fu..cked up. I f-fucked u..up." A hiccup came from him and the force of it hurt his chest, causing him to begin to tip and fall forward, nearly collapsing as the smaller man struggled to drag him inside, kicking the door closed as gently as he could.

"David?"

"I..I'm f-fucked up..Laver..nius" The taller man's fingers gripped tightly at the back of Lavernius' shirt. And together they slowly sank to the ground, eyes tired, bodies begging for sleep. It was no surprise when they ended up leaning against each other, falling asleep because Lavernius was too tired to move and David was quite honestly too drunk to.

Before Lavernius drifted off he nearly said something, yelled. His eyes opened slightly and settled on David's face. He was angry. How dare he leave then waltz right back. But he said nothing because David's face seemed so thin and his eyes had dark rings around them. Parts of his hair that weren't fully bleached were starting to gray despite the fact he was only in his thirties. His cheek supported a new scar and his lip had a split in it. Despite the fact that he smelled like dirt and alcohol Lavernius held him tight because he was back. He wished he could hate him but he was so fucking in love still that he couldn't be too angry. Especially though because waves of pity washed over him, nearly suffocating him because David was supposed to get better and he was pretty damn sure this was not better.

The last five years had been lonely and a rising wave of anger threatened to consume him. But he would not yell, he would not hurt David because he looked so small in that moment. So he closed his eyes and tried to sleep because tomorrow he was going to find out where David had been and he was going to find out what went wrong and he was going to try his hardest to fix it.

* * *

The next day was a Sunday and Lavernius woke with a frown because David smelled like death and it was already two in the afternoon so he squirmed out of the older man's grasp before he headed to the bathroom. His feet thumped across the hardwood floor as he walked, barely dulled by his socks and the noise made David groan from where he was laying on the floor.and Lavernius sighed, starting the bathtub's water running. Normally he'd throw a drunk friend in the shower and kick them out but this was David. And his body was probably sore from sleeping on the hard floor. 

Almost on cue, David stumbled into the bathroom, struggling for a moment as he pulled his sweatshirt over his head. The next moment he was collapsed on his knees, head in the toilet. His chest heaved as he retched and soon he was just dry heaving, chest aching as he let out a strangled groan.

"I told you to watch how much you drink, remember?" Lavernius' words were soft and stern, much like David's used to be but in the passing years he'd grown, gotten wiser. So far it seemed that David merely got dumber, dumb choices, dumb friends. If he had to guess, at least.

"Don't fucking patronize me, I know I fucked up." David's words were almost the opposite of Lavernius'. His voice was rough and low and it echoed slightly due to the fact his face was still in the toilet bowl. He quickly fixed that, lifting his head as the smell starter to get to him. His fingers however still gripped the sides tightly, this action made his fingers start to become sore. Lavernius turned to look at him and he wished he hadn't because it was the first clear, well-lit look he had gotten at David in years. He nearly fucking flinched.

The man's hair was a tangled mess and it needed a damn cut. His eyes looked at seemingly nothing and the dark circles were worse than he thought they had been. Dried blood flecked the skin around his split lip and some more caked around his nostrils. Without his sweatshirt Lavernius saw how his t-shirt hung off his body. He wasn't too thin but really, he was getting there. He pretended not to notice the cut along his chin or the scar across the bridge of his nose. He tried to ignore the five, jagged, red lines peeking out from under his shirt sleeve. And he did so by turning his attention back to the bath, cutting the water when there seemed to be enough in the tub.

"Get in." Lavernius' eyes were fixed on the edge of the tub.

David said nothing in response and merely stood on shaky legs, head pounding. His shirt hit the floor without a sound. His shoes had been pulled off before he stumbled after Lavernius so he removed his socks, dropping them onto his shirt. His pants came next and they pooled around his feet after he pushed them off, gray boxers following. The idea of embarrassment never crossed his mind, plenty of people had seen him naked, including Lavernius. So, he clumsily slipped into the tub. The water was a bit too warm for his taste but it felt good on his tense muscles so he sighed lowly and closed his eyes, sitting upright in the middle of the tub. He was vaguely aware of Lavernius getting his hair damp, warm water running down his back. Soon he felt fingers rubbing at his hair, he felt the shampoo, bubbles coating his hair. David leaned into the feeling of gentle fingers and merely gave another sigh, too weak for words. So he stayed silent and ignored the taste in his mouth as Lavernius rinsed the shampoo from his hair and then started to rub in the conditioner. He let it sit and as he did he rubbed at David's shoulders and back with soap and the older man ignored the pain in his sore body and let it happen because by this point he had no right to complain. Lavernius was taking care of him.

"What happened to you?"

"Met some people, fell in love, had sex, did drugs, fell out of love? That's the easy version." David opened his eyes so he could look at the younger man. "It's a pretty damn long story."

"Well I asked."

"I'm not sure you'd like to honestly know."

David's eyes fell shut again as Lavernius started to pour water over his head again, rinsing out the conditioner. The water was turning cold and murky and honestly David didn't care because while he had some bad times but right now he was reminded of the times he felt comfortable and loved and it kind of fucking hurt so he focused on thinking of Lavernius because after those five years he needed to escape and he instantly thought of Lavernius.

"Then we'll talk about it another time."

"Okay, then what's happened with you?"

The last of the soap and conditioner was rinsed from David's hair and shoulders so Lavernius sat back and sighed, avoiding looking at the bony, wounded parts of the older man. He looked at his face instead and it looked better after being cleaned up. However when his eyes strayed for a few moments he noticed the few tattoos that now adorned the man's body.

"Leonard moved in with me. And not like  _that_. I met his dumbass friend, Michael, he's a bit weird, still lives with his mom I guess. Got a new job. Not a whole damn lot."

"That seems pretty tame compared to me." The words were meant to be a joke but David's voice was too low and he didn't even try to smile.

"I guess so.." Lavernius swallowed thickly and stood up from where he was crouched, pulling a fluffy, brown towel from where it was hanging on the wall by the tub. David took that as his cue and let the water drain, standing on shaky, tired legs, leaning his head down slightly so the shorter man could reach his hair, which he rubbed until it was mostly dry before he put the towel around the older man's shoulders. 

David stepped from the tub and was promptly handed a spare toothbrush and as he washed the gross tastes from his mouth Lavernius walked to his room, rooting around for any clothes that would fit David's tall and lanky frame. He returned with boxers and shorts and a thin, gray shirt that David had forgotten all those years ago. Actually, Lavernius was wearing it when the man disappeared. His chest tightened at the sight of it so quickly he handed David the clothes and slowly he pulled them on.

"Get some sleep. Leonard will be home soon, I need to talk to him. Lay in my bed."

David said nothing and squeezed past Lavernius, his steps were small and slow as he made his way to the room he remembered spending many a night in. He all but collapsed on the bed, not bothering to crawl under the covers. One of Lavernius' pillows ended up in his grip, face pressed against the fluffy thing. The scent of Lavernius wasn't new to him and it wasn't like he'd missed it oh so much however. He welcomed it, it was kind of comforting but he warned himself. After drugs, sex, and love he wasn't sure he could be the same. He wasn't sure he was good for Lavernius anymore. He wasn't sure he ever was.

And honestly, he didn't know if Lavernius was good for him. David wasn't sure if he could honestly care that much for anyone anymore. He wanted to, god, he wanted to. But he needed time.

A damn lot of it, too.

So he sure hoped that Lavernius would be willing to wait.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Sometime when David was drifting between sleep and consciousness Lavernius had crawled into bed next to him. Nothing was said when, groggily, David lifted his head and blinked before sighing and dropping back onto the bed. He barely felt the arms that wound around his waist and he barely minded. A cold nose pressed against his back and he almost forced a smile because it was just like old times. Except that some things had changed drastically. There was a lot more muscle on Lavernius' smaller body, more than before. And when his chest pressed against David's back he didn't feel the press of unwanted breasts and he actually felt a little proud. He knew how hard Lavernius worked for things in his life and...

Now he was actually starting to feel like shit. Because Lavernius had done so much to get where he was, he was probably happy with his life. But David? No, he fucked up and came running back, tail between his legs. His eyes were open now and he stared at the wall in front of him, face creasing up into a pained expression. Why did he come back?

Lavernius could have been happy. Without him.

Honestly, he had no idea when he fell asleep but he did. On his side, Lavernius snuggled up close to his back, arms tight around his waist, face pressed against his shoulder blades. Their legs tangled together and David gripped a pillow, lightly drooling on it. The way the moonlight fell in the window and over their skin could show the whole scene as peaceful but David twitched lightly, trapped in bad dreams and Lavernius woke up in the middle of the night, nerves keeping him on edge.

* * *

David dreamed of Connie that night.

He was in her apartment. The walls were a nice soft shade of light brown and it was decorated well. Everything seemed blurry though. He couldn't really remember the details and when he saw her face it seemed to blur too. Maybe it was his tears this time. She laughed and grabbed his hands, no words, she just smiled at him. And she was wearing his sweatshirt and he remembered the night, her actions so vividly.

Connie pulled him to her bed, just her's. He may have been staying there but it was _her_ place. 

"Come on Wash."

Wash. Washington. For a while he'd been called that, not sure if his real name was something he wanted Connie, well CT, and her friends to know. They were used to it apparently, no one went by their real names around their. Maybe because they tended to be drunk. Or stoned. Either way, details weren't important because she pulled him onto the bed and his face heated up as she grinned up at him, unzipping his favorite hoodie at the time. He swallowed thickly and got comfortable where he was, above her and she was taking off the sweatshirt and she had nothing on beneath it and this was happening. By this point his ears had gone red and while of course he got a bit turned on he didn't really feel like he needed to have sex with her. But he didn't mind because she was smiling and guiding his hands to her body and that had been his first time having sex. Granted Lavernius had seen him naked, they fooled around a bit but that didn't go anywhere. This was different and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. He liked Connie, god, he really did. 

Before he knew it he was lying next to her, panting and blushing heavily. In that moment his first thought was that he wanted to put his boxers on. He felt too exposed and just had to settle for being under the blanket with Connie, her head resting on his chest. That was his first clue that something was different. And it sure as hell wasn't the last.

But he didn't have to much time to reflect because that night Connie had dragged him to York's apartment, told him he needs to get to know everyone better. As soon as they stepped inside the smell of weed reached him. He shot a nervous smile to Connie and wondered what the hell he was getting into.

The first time he'd really talked with York they were both high, at first Wash wasn't too sure but the next minute he was getting high. Carolina sat on York's lap but North had an arm around his shoulders and South seemed really close with Connie. Maine sat close to Wash, drinking some alcoholic beverage. Turns out Florida was out of state and Wyoming was visiting family. Tex had disappeared a long time ago. A drink was in his hand soon as well and his nervousness melted away after getting high so he downed the drink and everyone cheered him on.

That was probably his worst mistake.

* * *

Soon David was stumbling out of bed, he felt sick. His first time with Connie wasn't really bad, and he wasn't forced, he just didn't like it. But something twisted in his gut and he found himself hunched over the toilet. God, she was beautiful but he didn't want to remember the way she felt that night it felt wrong and he wanted to forget it because that instance had turned into many other instances down the road.

"You okay?" Lavernius' words were soft and as he stepped over to David, tile cold against his bare feet.

"I'm fine. Just remembered some things."

"You wanna talk about it?"

David lifted his head from the toilet and flushed it, Lavernius' wordlessly handed him a washcloth.

"Just dreamed about the first night I got high and the day I lost my virginity. Seemed kinda okay that day but looking back I wish it hadn't happened that way." After wiping his mouth, the older man rose on slightly shaky legs, dropping his washcloth in the sink.

"Sounds pretty crazy." Lavernius said it in a joking tone but neither of them smiled and the shorter man simply put a hand on David's back, walking him back to bed. Soon they found themselves on the bed, a tangle of limbs pressed close together. Lavernius' nose was cold against David's neck and David put his cold feet against Lavernius' ankles and everything seemed normal as they breathed quietly.

"You know..I missed you, asshole." Lavernius muttered the words against David's chin and he merely gave a soft sigh.

"Sorry about that. I just felt like I needed to go. But I'm here now, so.." David pressed his nose to Lavernius' hair and closed his eyes.

Nothing was said after that, Lavernius merely stared sleepily at David's collarbone, pushing his nose closer in where his neck met his shoulder. He breathed slowly and let his eyes fall shut as he just let himself be held. Everything was calm and Lavernius knew it probably wouldn't stay that way forever so he held onto the feeling. He had missed this closeness, being close to another person but not having sex or anything similar. Of course he hadn't really gotten over his affections for David but drunk people do dumb things.

So he just fell asleep in David's arms and hoped he would be there the next morning.

He was.

* * *

In the morning David woke around 10 am, blinking his eyes quickly and squinting against the sunlight that poured into the room. Lavernius was breathing softly next to him, it wasn't a work day. He didn't move as to not wake the younger man, staying still and willing himself to get more sleep, letting his eyes close.

The closeness didn't bother him. Hell, he'd been unsure if he'd be okay with any physical contact after the crazy past years he'd had but now that he was here it was different. David liked the way Lavernius was gentle with him. Sure, North and Connie had been pretty gentle but they were also drunk or high half the time. He sighed and opened his eyes to look down at the shorter man again. At least he seemed to be content with simply holding each other. North had always been about kisses and Connie was all about talking your heart out. It was nice for a change.

Lavernius began to shift a small while later and David loosened his grip on the man, allowing him to move easier. 

"Morning."

"Morning."

Lavernius smiled lazily against David's shoulder, mostly to himself, before he rolled out of bed, slipping out of David's grasp. Soon the older man was getting up too. He stretched and Lavernius heard the dull popping of joints. For the second time it was noted how David's old shirt hung off his too thin frame, Lavernius' lips turned down a bit and he turned away.

"Breakfast?"

"Yeah, can you still make pancakes?" David smiled crookedly and it looked forced. Maybe it was. The breath that followed sounded a bit wheezy and Lavernius wasn't sure that it could be considered a laugh. But he let it slide and let a small smile come back to his face. He headed to the kitchen, glancing back at David to see that he was following, the grin growing on his face.

"Of course, who do you think cooks for Leonard when we don't have pizza?"

David found himself leaning against the counter next to Lavernius as  the shorter man began to cook. He looked down and smiled softly, assuming that it wouldn't be noticed. But it was noticed by Lavernius, his cheeks heated up and he looked back to the stove. It may be true that he had only known David for mere months before he left but he was someone who left an impression, the kind of person you want to love you. The one you were scared to love but you did it either way. So yes, Lavernius was scared of his emotions because David was the type of person who is hard to love. David was the person who was afraid to love. But this wasn't the first time he would be scared.

He nearly burned the pancakes.

But he didn't.

He got two paper plates and piled on a stack of misshapen pancakes and together they drowned them in syrup. Lavernius handed David a fork and got his own. So they ate, leaned against the counter, looking up at each other with each bite.

"Don't smile with your mouth full." David gave a crooked smile and Lavernius' cheeks heated up as he finished chewing.

For the first time in a while, David believed that he might make it. So he ate his pancakes and tried to smile when he met Lavernius' gaze. He felt like he had a reason to try again, like this was something he needed to work for. Not something that was given to him easy, not something simple and nice. Lavernius was a mess of things he just couldn't place and he loved it.

 


End file.
